Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 1047
To me, the media in New York and LA have always missed the essence of this country.
I have become my own version of an optimist. If I can't make it through one door, I'll go through another door - or I'll make a door. Something terrific will come no matter how dark the present.
The Catholic Church is still very angry about "The Da Vinci Code" - they don't like anything that makes more money in a weekend than they do.
You can't get un-famous. You can get infamous, but you can't get un-famous.
You might be a redneck if your handkerchief doubles as your shirt sleeve.
I have three kids, the oldest is 18 and her friends are going to see it The Aristocrats because they told her they're going to see it, especially her guy friends.
You don’t mess with janitors, first of all, they have like 40 keys, and 1 is to a closet you don’t want to be inside of.
( Unlikely things for the Queen to include in her Christmas speech ) I've had a few medical problems this year. I'm now so old that my pussy is haunted.
William Tell’s son, Telly, who said as his father was pointing the bow and arrow at the apple on his head, "There’s gotta be an easier way to kill worms." Never got a dinner!
A blind bloke walks into a shop with a guide dog. He picks the Dog up and starts swinging it around his head. Alarmed, a shop assistant calls out: 'Can I help, sir?' 'No thanks,' says the blind bloke. 'Just looking.'