Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 1057
I went to high school with some wonderful people, but my entire high school experience was just waiting to leave.
To me the goal of comedy is to just laugh, which is a really high hearted thing, visceral connection and reaction.
To me, it's very exhilarating when somebody else does a great thing, and it's not me.
In our school you were searched for guns and knifes on the way in and if you didn't have any, they gave you some.
Yeah, let me give it a shot! The other, a few weeks ago my car broke down on the road. I had it pulled over to the side, and there’s just smoke pouring out of the motor. A guy stops to see if I’m all right, but he asks the stupid question. He said, “Car break down?” I said, “Nah, car wanted a cigarette, so I pulled over!” Here’s your sign!
The ad in the paper said 'Big Sale. Last Week.' Why advertise? I already missed it. They're just rubbing it in.
My cousin is gay; I always tell him that in our family tree, he's in the fruit section.
When you look like I do its hard to get a table for one at Chucky Cheese.
Sometimes American news is like a tired old whore that only tells you things you wanna hear.