Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 1097
I had a friend who was a clown. When he died, all his friends went to the funeral in one car.
I woke up with a bloody nose this morning. I said, 'yeech, who threw that in there?'
They could have gotten help for this infertility but they believed that interfering with the reproductive process, even if it was faulty, was anti-God. It was against His plan. It never occurred to them that God may have provided the world with a vast array of very brainy medical types for the very reason of solving problems such as theirs. However, there is one thing that the medical profession cannot do and that is save people from being idiots.
On Thursday, I changed the names of all my fish, and they didn't seem to mind - especially Dead Tony.
The other night, the president gave a speech. He said, “children are our most prescious natural resource”. I thought, “let’s hope it never comes to that”.
I meet so many young folks who say, “If I got to go and die in a war at 18, I want the right to vote at 18.” Don’t be no damn fool. You got to die at 18, you better fight to get the right to vote at 17.
I've been running my whole life. Running into bars, running around the world. But when you have a child, you can't run. That was a revelation.
You find out that all this stuff you've accumulated, you could care less about it. It's just the relationships that matter.
I say at this point, for different reasons, Bush and Hussein are both very threatening to world peace and to deny that is to be incredibly naive.
The average airplane is 16 years old, and so is the average airplane meal.
Every group of brothers should have at least one white guy in it. Im serious for safety, cuz when the shit goes down someone is gonna need to talk to the police.