Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 1110
It's a wonder you don't see the zebra being trotted out as a metaphor for racial harmony more often.
People get burned out in big families, you can even see it in the naming of children. Like the first kid, "You were named after Grandma." The seventh kid, "You were named after a sandwich I had. Now get your brother, Reuben."
[about her half-black boyfriend] I gave him a compliment! All right, I told him he probably would've made, like, a really expensive slave in the, like, in the olden-timey days.
I've met a lot of people who've lost their jobs and they still have a sense of humor.
I look hot and, most of all, skinny. I love the day after throwing up. I felt like a feather.
When you create you get a little endorphin rush. Why do you think Einstein looked like that?
You may be a redneck if... you have spent more on your pickup truck than on your education.
My father never raised his hand to any one of his children, except in self-defense.
If you take a negative, turn it inside out, it’s still a negative. You’re just revealing the ugly inside of negative so I say keep it as is.
You talk about the Pro-Life movement being one of the great shames of our nation. I think, if you want number two, I think - I think it's that. I think it's absolute - it's a travesty that people have forced someone who is gay to make their case that they deserve the same basic rights.