Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 1110
We'd always sworn, we're taking 60 Minutes down. You, Frontline, all you guys. You're meat.
The bird, the bee, the running child are all the same to the sliding glass door.
You might be a redneck if you have a Hefty bag on the passenger side window of your car.
If the Fed ceases hiking, against the backdrop of still rising commodity prices, then the Australian dollar will have few reasons for resisting any topside advances.
I like the idea that when a guy comes over to the house, I get to say I wrote the book.
I heard that in relativity theory, space and time are the same thing. Einstein discovered this when he kept showing up three miles late for his meetings.
The universe is merely a fleeting idea in God's mind - a pretty uncomfortable thought, particularly if you've just made a down payment on a house.
Is a hippopotamus a hippopotamus, or just a really cool Opotamus?
It's very dangerous to wave to people you don't know because what if they don't have hands? They'll think you're cocky.
My book editor asked me if I wanted an extension and I told him, it's okay, I'm happy with the length of my penis.
Cooking? Oh we were great, you'd take anything and melt cheese on it, and the one who could guess what it was didn't have to wash up!
Now I must leave you as you enter the world that is Fuck. You are fucking lucky to be here. It's almost utopian.
[Imitating a Frenchman] Fuck you Americans! Uncultured, crass Americans! We hate all of you! Fu- the Germans are here! Hello Americans! We love you!