Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 1152
A guy recently came up to me and said, "Bob, you are the shit." I said "Thank you for adding the word 'the.'"
It wasn't that no one asked me to the prom, it was that no one would tell me where it was.
I like fearless characters, people just not afraid to do anything it takes to make people laugh.
You know your gut instincts are spot on about a person when you can also detect a water source in the soil beneath them.
Big time, ... I’m always ready for TV. I don’t have to edit my jokes — when you work clean, you can work anywhere.
I read somewhere that 77 percent of all the mentally ill live in poverty. Actually, I'm more intrigued by the 23 percent who are apparently doing quite well for themselves.
Ladies, you wake up tomorrow and the newspaper reads "Scientists have discovered a way for men to experience childbirth." That would be awesome.
Pride is the first step in people unraveling and companies unraveling and relationships unraveling.
It never occurred to them that God may have provided the world with a vast array of very brainy medical types for the very reason of solving problems such as theirs. However, there is one thing that the medical profession cannot do and that is save people from being idiots.