Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 1152

Everybody is different. Some comedy is more musical like Steven Wright. His is a pillar of comedy to me. He invented a whole form and all his jokes are poems. So it's different. I wanted to do it like George Carlin. Now I do it like me.

You have to be really tenacious. You have to keep at it. There are many roads to get there. If you can get yourself into Harvard, that’s a good way to go, because every Harvard graduating class, the agencies come trolling around and they’ll look for you. So if you go to Harvard, you’ll get found there.

If only loud people were even half as interesting as they think they are.

I bet when all the punctuation marks have a party, they quietly look at exclamation point's wife and think, "that poor woman."

Mutations are exciting, there aren't nearly enough of them.

I am much more comfortable in someone else's skin.

I'm no longer afraid of not making enough mistakes.

Does anyone ever shudder with the crap that you pulled off and didn't die?

This pope was born on the 16th of April, making him an Aries, compatible with both Sagittarius and Leo. But, of course, Jesus was famously a Capricorn, meaning that this pope is incompatible with Jesus. Not my findings, the findings of science. Don't get angry with me, Catholics. Go get angry with Galileo. Oh, you already did.

There’s a need to perfect things in a writers’ room, and that can take a lot of fun out of a show sometimes. It’s a struggle. It depends on your personality. Some people love working with a writing staff. I had a great writing staff on Lucky Louie, but it sometimes felt like Congress or something.

Very few positive experiences begin with being told to count back slowly from ten.

Sometimes I just want to tell a story regardless of whether it fits what the show is saying. I’ve been in a lot of writing rooms where somebody says an idea and everyone’s dying, like laughing so they’re delirious. It’s like a black hole in a good way, everything starts to fall into it, you know what I mean.

Please don't let all the freak storms and climate change lead you to believe in freak storms and climate change.

There was another war-related casualty today. The French were injured when they tried to jump on our bandwagon.

The greatest three seconds in my life was when I fell in love.