Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 1190
You might be a redneck if your dad's cell number has nothing to do with a telephone.
Today Monopoly added a new game piece: the cat. The new piece was chosen after weeks of online voting. Is that a surprise? Whenever there’s a vote for something on the Internet, the cat always wins.
You might be a redneck if your wife keeps a can of Vienna sausage in her purse.
Every morning I hear the alarm, it's like "BEEP BEEP BEEP" For second I'm like, "I could get used to that, just dream I'm in a techno club, or something."
I do feel a lot of times like I'm out of my league with my kids in terms of what my responsibility is.
Another thing rappers, I admire your rebellious spirit, but materialism is a form of mental slavery. Slow down on the jewelry, pick up a book.
I was sort of tricked into marrying. One night I was out with Fang and a girl said, “You better hand on to him.” I thought I had a prize. I didn’t know she meant that after one drink he falls down.
If we can send a person to the moon, we can send someone with AIDS to the moon, and then someday we can send everybody with AIDS to the moon.
I would imagine that if you could understand Morse code, a tap dancer would drive you crazy.
Radio is a bag of mediocrity where little men with carbon minds wallow in sluice of their own making.
You know you've been listening to too much hip hop when you're response to a red light is "can't stop, won't stop son!".