Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 1230
But there's only so long that shit like that can hang around your apartment before you have to stick your dick in it.
When they [N'Sync and Aerosmith] played, it wasn't music. It was the sound of chaos. I knew it was the sound of chaos because you could hear pigs being slaughtered. Women were weeping and men were gnashing their teeth, and there were sounds so horrible that I cannot repeat them to you, or you would flee from this room in horror!
I can't relax here. These people have no pubic hair anywhere. We have pubic hair on the ceiling.
I can always tell when a girl comes from a good family because she's what's known as "not at all attracted to me".
My wife only has sex with me for a purpose. Last night she used me to time an egg.
What a childhood I had, why, when I took my first step, my old man tripped me!
People increase their use of the term 'sir' when their angry. Little do they know, it only causes me to feel more like I'm wearing a top hat.
I love Cleveland. The weather just terrible there - too cold. All we want to know in Cleveland is where the hell’s all that global warming we’ve been hearing so much about. That’s all they ever do in the winter, stand outside with an aerosol can. >ssst<br />
A celebrity is any well-known TV or movie star who looks like he spends more than two hours working on his hair.
You know you've lived in LA to long when what you fear most about prison is a lack of organic produce.
I would like to go fishing and catch a fishstick. That would be convenient.