Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 1240
You might be a redneck if there has ever been crime-scene tape on your front door.
When I first read the dictionary, I thought it was a long poem about everything.
You might be a redneck if you have to go outside to get something out of the fridge.
I travel with a boom box. When I get on a plane, I stuff the power cord for the boom box into the battery compartment. From an outsider's point of view, it looks like I've got it all wrong.
It's been my experience that people who make proclamations about themselves are usually the opposite of what they claim to be.
Climate change is a serious problem. We all need to do what we can. Unless that means I’ve got to change stuff. Then I’m not doing it.
I rented a car. I didn't really need one, I just wanted to make one less available. I wanted one businessman on the bus with no car.
It's hard to know where your thoughts come from, especially when you have a thirst for material because you need it professionally.
You have options when it comes to abortion now. It's not like 1955 when you just had to kick her down a staircase and hope for the best... you feed her a tapeworm and hope it takes a left at the Y.
See, this CD is in stores. The only way I could get my last CD into a store was to take one in there and leave it. “Sir, you forgot this!” “No, I did not. That is for sale. Please alphabetize it.”
In my day, girls used to get pinned in high school. That was the big thing. Now they’re getting nailed.
Like many of her sex, Sophie was fiercely competitive with other women, working on the crackpot theory that if she could be better in some way, men would like her more, respect her. Make her happy. She never cottoned on that the men she was attracted to, the men who found her attractive, didn’t like women.