Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 231

It is my belief that Latinos in show business have to be self sufficient and creative while aggressively attempting to penetrate post-mogul Hollywood. Self- starting is becoming the path to serious studio support.

See what we have here is a failure to communicate.

My bank is the worst. They are screwing me. You know what they did to me? They're charging me money for not having enough money. Apparently, when you're broke, that costs money.

When I talk to Steve Martin, he's joyful when he talks about comedy.

I offend everybody.

I’m not even worried about settling down. I think it’s way too early. I’m 25 and I’m in show business. I mean, if things go well, my wife hasn’t even been born yet.

What is it about grandparents that is so lovely? I'd like to say that grandparents are God's gifts to children. And if they can but see, hear and feel what these people have to give, they can mature at a fast rate.

I, myself, identify myself as a heathen.

People who read the tabloids deserve to be lied to.

I don't know that I can define fear. But one of the sources of fear is holding up some sort of model life that doesn't exist and feeling like you're far away from it.

As the fly said while landing on the mirrored coffee table. Well... That's another way of looking at it.

College is great. It’s the only time in life where you can write a check for 39 cents... and bounce it.

Do you think God gets stoned? I think so... look at the platypus.

Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?

The two biggest myths about me are that I’m an intellectual, because I wear these glasses, and that I’m an artist because my films lose money. Those two myths have been prevalent for many years.