Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 274
I can drink like a fish, or at least, someone born with fetal alcohol syndrome.
The problem with me, as far as getting married and having a family, is that my comedy is so important to me. So I don't know if I'll ever be as good a dad as my dad.
I'm a vegetarian, I'm not strict. I eat fish. And duck, but they're nearly fish aren't they.
If the police arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?
If you're Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston, and your marriage is breaking up - that's an awful thing. But to see that speculation in people, it's gotta sting a little bit.
I saw that Linens 'N Things was going out of business. I know. My first thought was, 'Should have been more specific.'
You want to help mother Earth? Try sodomy. Sodomy is eco-friendly, and abortion is green.
I've always wanted a black girlfriend. Not as a joke, just so when we sixty-nine I can call it Yin-Yanging.
Now remember kids if anyone ever offers you drugs say ‘Thank you’ cause drugs are very expensive.
Yes I'm grown and sexy, and I'm worth the wait. Girls act like I'm the only dude on earth to date.
A recent police study found that you're much more likely to get shot by a fat cop if you run.