Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 377

There was Pope John if you remember, now there is Pope John Paul. The next Pope's gonna be John Paul George and we can see where they're going.

Funny is not a color. Being black is only good from the time you get from the curtain to the microphone.

I did bronze survival swimming. I could save people in a bronzey kind of way.

I just went through a break up, actually. I'm not worried about meeting someone else or being lonely. I'm just worried about all the pictures. But my mom always told me, you know, ever since I was a little girl, 'Never put your face in them.'

I’m anal and forgetful. That’s a bad combo. That mean I like my shit where I like it and I don’t know where the fuck it is. But I’m pretty sure it’s your fault.

Clinton left the White House with all the class of an XFL halftime show.

A mate of mine has just told me he's shagging his girlfriend and her twin, I said how can you tell them apart, he said "her brothers got a moustache!"

Every time I do a movie where it gets physical, I say never again.

The term 'celebrity' makes my skin crawl.

I'm an introspective dude.

A car crossed two lanes of traffic, flipped, and landed on my dad's car. I don't blame cars. My dad loved cars. I don't have many memories of my dad. The love of cars is all I have of him, really.

Today is a big day in TV history. On this day forty-one years ago, the Beverly Hillbillies aired for the first time right here on CBS. They took a little break, then in 1992, they moved into the White House for eight years.

When you're collaborating with somebody who's got a lot of stuff they haven't worked out yet, you're working out their vision as well.

Poetry is very similar to music, only less notes and more words.

Economy is essential to all good art.