Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 387
And I know this happens because I took economics, and I'd explain it to ya, but I flunked that course. Not my fault. They taught it at 8 o'clock in the morning. And there is absolutely nothing you can learn out of one bloodshot eye.
I've always gotten myself overly involved in supporting other women who've not always been as supportive in return.
David Hasselhoff was hospitalized after falling off the wagon again. He probably got used to drinking too much, because for years he never had to worry about driving anywhere - his car drove itself.
It is a sad fact that 50 percent of marriages in this country end in divorce. But hey, the other half end in death. You could be one of the lucky ones!
What I need is an Urban Thesaurus. I know what "money" is what I need is 600 different ways to say it.
Why do they put the little "on/off" words on a light switch? If the light's on, you can see that it's on. If the light's off, it's too dark to see the words on the switch.
The whole institution of marriage itself really has no place in a progressive society.
I don't think I could stab somebody, 'cause I'm really bad at a Capri Sun.
White people have always shown their superiority over blacks with their feet, moving out of black neighborhoods with the fear that their kids will turn into one of them. And now, through the magic of MTV, damned if it didn't turn out that way!
I think pornography is the only art form where you can be videotaped on a shaky handy cam sucking off a horse and be considered a star.
They do sell a lot of weird things in sex shops. They have this stuff called Mr. Big Cream. It says, “Rub it on your dick and your dick gets bigger.” Great. Wouldn’t your hands get bigger too?
There are nine Supreme Court members and nine people on a baseball team. Coincidence? Yes.
I'm studying Kabbalah, which is really the essence of Jewish spirituality.