Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 388
I'm not a gay man, but I will say this: I get it now. I know what all the hype is about.
You might be a redneck if The Salvation Army declines your mattress.
Standup comedy is fun. I mean other than having to experience the excruciating lonlieness and unacknowledged sadness that results in funny.
I feel like… I don’t have a wife, I don’t have a kids, but… I see rappers and I’m like, I know that’s fake. I know how much you make, this is all bullshit. But people are buying into it, and you shouldn’t have that power. I’m legit trying to make honest moves so that all of us can grow. I want to make a show where my sister can work on and become a producer because she can’t get in, no one’s leting her. I want to make things where people can actually grow. A place where people can actually be honest.
Thanksgiving is a holiday that brought together two different cultures. And things might not always work out like you think they should. But they always work out. I'm thankful that the world's in perfect harmony at all times. Pilgrims had it tough. But now, we live in the strongest, most prosperous country in the world. And the Indians, well, you know.
You work your butt off and somebody says you can't have your record played because it offends them. Tyrants are made of such stuff.
Making people laugh is giving, and it's healing, too, when people can go up to the movies and forget about their problems. It's a good thing. That's why I want to work.
How come we got the grumpy boat of bandy-legged Puritans? How come we didn't get the Italian party boat with the cappuccino makers and the gelato machine? That was the sexy boat, man.
I was bused to a school in Gerritsen Beach in Brooklyn in 1972. I was one of the first black kids in the history of the school.
I was the voice of Bobby. So while I was doing the show, I was also a father. It did reflect how I tried to handle things in my own home.
My mother was tickled and I think kind of proud when my father got hit on my an attractive middle-aged Asian lady who hadn't noticed he was with his family. He was certainly pleased about it.
Lots of comedians have people they try to mimic. I mimic my shadow.
I found our cat the other day. I would have found him a week ago, but we’ve got a grass bag on the lawn mower.