Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 388

From an early age, I was trying to get laughs, but it wasn't a conscious thing. I think I was about six months old when I first realized I needed friends in life and making people laugh worked for me. By nine months, I came out of my shell.

I used to be Irish Catholic. Now I’m an American - you know, you grow.

After nearly killing herself, Kristy Yamaoka has been whipping through the talk show circuit at a break-neck pace.

I noticed you all were French, opposite of bonjour to you.

All my life is passing in front of my eyes. The worst part of it is I'm driving a used car.

I'd give up golf if I didn't have so many sweaters.

Thanksgiving, when the Indians said, Well, this has been fun, but we know you have a long voyage back to England.

Bret, you got it goin' on! "Got it goin' on!" Not in a gay way but in a hey-your-lookin'-ok-man!

If the banks are so friendly, how come they chain down the pens?

Yeah you may have fucked up today, but you can still not fuck up tomorrow.

True Yankees are born, not made.

The hardest thing to do is to be true to yourself, especially when everybody is watching.

I ain't no movie star, man. I'm a booty star.

I think the best music videos are the ones that have nothing to do with the song. Those are all my favorites.

My excuse for everything is that I grew up in Florida.