Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 433

People ask me all the time, all the time, they say the same exact thing. They say, "Bo, you’re an artist… how do we fix Africa?"

We were in Salino, Utah when we were arrested for not going through a green light. We pleaded "maybe". I asked the judge if he knew what time it is, he did, and I said, "No further questions."

Same thing every year: up at the crack of dawn, drinking, fighting, throwing up, pissing on walls - and then you leave the house.

I am going to bring a more eclectic group of actors and a more eclectic group of musicians from Mana to Santana to Slash and Garth Brooks. I know some pretty high-profile people in Hollywood, in music and in comedy. They all seem to be supportive of the idea.

Most Americans have so much crap, that you could lose most of it and still have way more stuff than the average Canadian.

When I used to watch vaudevillian impressionists, people like Rich Little or Frank Gorshin, I always felt like the voice was the only point. I didn't want to do that. I wanted to be of the Robin Williams or Jonathan Winters model, where observation and storytelling was important.

What kind of man gives cigarettes to trees?

I went into a lingerie department one day and I said to the lady, 'I'd like to see something in a bra,' and she said, 'I bet you would!'

Excess in moderation: don’t drink a few beers every day after work, wait ‘till the end of the month and drink all the beers at once.

When you've been in the business 5-years, as a person, it's like you're 5-years old - like a child. 10-years and you're 10-years old, 20... Etcetera. That's how I measure maturity in this industry.

I feel like this is a dream - and I apologize for how I dressed some of you.

When you grow up poor, you have to either work really hard to try and get where you want to be, or you'll just stay put.

A pipe is greater than a bong. Because when you’re smoking a pipe at least it makes you look like you’re thinking about something.

"Dodge" is the perfect word to put on the front of a van comin' at ya. If it says "Ram" on the side, they're after your ass.

People ask me what I think about that woman priest thing. What, a woman priest? Women priests. Great, great. Now there's priests of both sexes I don't listen to.