Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 443
When somebody says "I wouldn't change a thing" they're thinking of something they would change.
Few, very few, will ever be able to craft a joke as beautifully as Pat. He was able to just make it all happen. I don't think he was great at telling them, but he was sure great at putting them down.
I don't believe in right or left; I don't believe in Santa or Satan. I believe in things I can touch - like vodka and Oreos.
I found our cat the other day. I would have found him a week ago, but we’ve got a grass bag on the lawn mower.
The most unusual salesman I ever met is a fellow who made a modest fortune purveying lightning rods. But he suddenly lost interest in his work. He got caught in a storm with a bunch of samples in his arms.
When I walk into that (Sears) Craftsman tool department, my nipples get rock-hard!
It's just weird that out of nowhere God said, "May the three best-looking guys in Hollywood have babies - Tom Cruise, Brad Pitt and me". It was bizarre that God said, "I want to make the planet more beautiful", and I got the call.
The jokes now, it’s just more stories and personal experiences. And just talking about things that really happened. It’s just becoming more comfortable as a performer, sharing my opinions on things, or things that’ve happened to me. That’s where it’s really going.
People ask me all the time, all the time, they say the same exact thing. They say, "Bo, you’re an artist… how do we fix Africa?"
It's definitely a relief that it's over. It's been a long season for us, with ups and downs. But we're going to put it behind us now and we've got to try and be a better team.