Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 460
Why can't we have racism that's ignorant but nice? You could have stereotypes that are positive about race. You could say, "Those Chinese people, they can fly!" "You know about the Puerto Ricans... they're made of candy!"
Christmas is a time when everybody wants his past forgotten and his present remembered.
Guy on the plane I'm on has a text alert that sounds like a gunshot... And he isn't putting it on vibrate.
If we had 3 million exhibitionists and only one voyeur, nobody could make any money.
It's better to be known by six people for something you're proud of than by 60 million for something you're not.
It's not even race; it's a certain type of person that gets 'Pootie Tang.'
Never comment on a woman's rear end. Never use the words 'large' or 'size' with 'rear end.' Never. Avoid the area altogether. Trust me.
Men like a ref decision because they just want to get back to the game.
Why is electricity so expensive these days? Why does it cost so much for something I can make with a balloon and my hair?
I feel like every time I go out, I want to do a good job. I want people to say that he's just as good at stand-up as he is in some of the movies I've seen him in, so I try to do the best every time I go out there.
My mother was like a sister to me, only we didn't have sex quite so often.