Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 580
I love that mentality, “Boo! You went to a different school than I did. I want everyone going to the same school. One school. 140 million students. Or I go ‘boo.’ I am the least tolerant human being on Earth. What’d you have for dinner tonight? Chinese food. I had Japanese. Boo. You like Triskets. I like Wheat Thins. Boo. You like regular Starburst fruits chews. I like the tropical. Boo.”
I've always had something in my heart where I root for guys who struggle with women.
Sometimes you forget you're famous. You wonder, Why is that person staring at me?
Having sex with a dead grammar teacher is a violation of past tense usage.
I don't think I'm good in bed. My husband never said anything, but after we made love he'd take a piece of chalk and outline my body.
It's amazing that the amount of news that happens in the world every day always just exactly fits the newspaper.
I have no sex appeal, which kills me. The only way I can ever hear heavy breathing from my husband's side of the bed is when he's having an asthma attack.
Billy Carter, who asked his brother Jimmy, "Do you think you could get me on the Gong Show?" Never got a dinner!
The Supreme Court has ruled that they cannot have a nativity scene in Washington, D.C. This wasn't for any religious reasons. They couldn't find three wise men and a virgin.
I worry about my judgment when anything I believe in or do regularly begins to be accepted by the American public.
I just try to get people to laugh - I'm not trying to change the world or anything.
Christmas is a time for joy, love and peace. And frothing hot vengeance that will never cease. So no matter the volume of fussing you fuss or the wide angry streams of cussing you cuss, your fate is sealed when in mussing you muss with the nastiest of nasties, the Kenge. Well, Ken Titus.