Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 581
If Mandela were a comedian, I bet he would never get mad at a heckler, he'd give him or her a hug.
Don’t blame your failure on haters. If everyone thinks you suck, they’re not haters. They’re right.
I'm convinced that Sanford and Son shows middle-class America a lot of what they need to know.
For this being the holiday season everyone at the mall is pissed. Time to shop online.
Vegas means comedy, tragedy, happiness and sadness all at the same time.
Of course in show business there are two ways to play it and I am not politically correct so I am not going to get endorsements or anything like that.
Sometimes the only solution is figuring out a bigger problem to focus on.
The most rewarding part about being a dad is just looking at children who didn't exist at some point. The first time you saw them, they were the size of a quarter, in a sonogram, and now they can pour orange juice and yell at each other.
My idea of Christmas, whether old-fashioned or modern, is very simple: loving others. Come to think of it, why do we have to wait for Christmas to do that?
See, I had some drugs and shit right now, I wouldn't give a fuck. But I'd come off stage, and I still wouldn't give a fuck. Then, by the time you're 50, a lotta 'no-givin-a-fuck', you missed part your life.
When we talk about values, I think of rationality in solving problems. That’s something I value. Fairness, kindness, generosity, tolerance. When they talk about values, they’re talking about things like going to church, voting for Bush, being loyal to Jesus, praying. These are not values.
I have new ideas every day, and I always want to take on new challenges.