Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 620

And try as I might, I am having difficulty giving a fuck.

You must study their deliveries, their use of their bodies, their timing, and their use of audio and vocal effects.

Sticks and stones may break my bones, but screw it, i’m with "Bupa".

My husband always felt that a marriage and career don’t mix. That’s why he’s never worked.

So when you do get on, the first class people are already sitting there; they're all sprawled out on their big thrones. "Bring me the head of a pig! And a goblet of something cool and refreshing! Anyone have a fiddle? Amuse me."

For some reason, religious jokes seem as trivial as jokes about food or driving.

Once you succeed at something it’s hard to keep it fresh and exciting so you have to keep challenging yourself. You have to be a moving target or it won’t work.

I think religion is bad and drugs are good.

I'd distract myself until finally it was a combination of things. The show was over and I had time on my hands. I had taken time and played and just relaxed.

The meek may inherit the earth, but they don't get in to Harvard.

People who say "life is precious" don't spend much time on line at the airport.

So I do have this ambivalence. Obviously I'm against militaries, because of what militaries do. In many ways though, the air force was unmilitary-like. They dropped bombs on people, but... they had a golf course.

They say my public persona don’t have enough appeal, I take a lesson from Kanye and give 'em something real.

You try not to have a favorite when you have sons or kids. Can’t have a favorite. Can’t let them know know if you do. I don’t. I treat my main son and the other two exactly the same way.

For the level of entertainment you get for the ticket, it's a solid show.