Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 641
Are your feet tired? Because you’ve been stomping on my dreams for a while now. Let’s break up.
In California, 50 women protested the I'm pending war with Iraq by lying on the ground naked and spelling out the word peace. Right idea, wrong president.
Every time John Travolta assaults a masseur, a scientologist gets their wings.
You can’t always be 100-percent positive that a joke will work, so you’ve just got to try it. Fortunately, if one new joke doesn’t work, I’ve got lots of old ones that do. Just like cops, it’s important to have backup.
I think some teams shied away because of it, ... But Minnesota stuck with me and I was happy about that.
There's so much Botox around now that you can't tell when a Jewish girl is angry!
My father's cock went into my mother's cunt in the backroom of a Cinnabon. That's how I was born.
This stammer got me a home in Beverly Hills, and I'm not about to screw with it now.
I don't know if it's the weather or what's going on - the summer or something like that - but recently I've been feeling extremely bisexual. I don't know what it is. I don't know what's going on, but I walked down the street and, suddenly, the ladies are looking awfully good to me.
The United States of America will fare well so long as it has enough water to let it go to waste, both literally and figuratively. And he imagines how someone from an impoverished third-world nation must react to our collective nonchalant wasting of water, or of throwing money into fountains.
Nietzsche says that we will live the same life, over and over again. God - I'll have to sit through the Ice Capades again.
Women should put a picture of their missing husbands on beer cans.
Having a gang-bang in Scotland in the winter is like playing Pass The Parcel: there's that many layers!