Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 642

Black people late by nature. There's some slaves still on their way over here.

I hate you, but I'm not in hate with you.

Whiskey will always be a part of my life.

Curb Your Enthusiasm set me up so perfectly. That was one of my favorite shows before I got on it. That started a whole different level of a story for me. I didn’t know how to process it until after I got on the show and realized what the purpose of it was.

Why would you go out and not drink? Just stay home and sit there.

I do not know why anyone would host an awards show. No matter how unbelievably well you do at it, the only thing that can happen is you get asked again to host an awards show.

Whenever a big white man picks up a banjo, my cheeks tighten.

Well, my brother says "hello"! So, hooray for speech therapy.

I got a truck outside with my name on it: Sanford and Son. I’m Sanford and this is Son.

We can't agree on religion and guns and economics and sadly civil rights but if the wealthy won't chip in for the needy we are done.

I got a wake up call - not like, 'Stop doing heroin.' Like in a hotel.

There are certain jokes that indicate how mainstream a comic is. If you’re talking about how the side effects of drugs that they advertise on TV are worse than the actual illness they’re supposed to prevent, that’s like the hackiest joke out there now. If you’re still doing that joke, that usually is an indicator of being mainstream, in a bad way.

The future will soon be a thing of the past.

I've always been really dark, and drawn to darker humor. Nothing has been forced, and I don't say anything for shock value.

My grandmother is over eighty and still doesn't need glasses. Drinks right out of the bottle.