Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 669
Ugly people face as much or more discrimination than any fucking minority group.
I'm in show business... I want to hang out with Janet Jackson, not Jesse Jackson.
He’s going around putting little covers over the electrical outlets and all that stuff, and I’m like, ‘How the kids going to learn about electricity, huh?’
Violence of any kind, once it starts, is like fucking a gorilla - you ain't done till the gorilla's done.
The Smurf village was destroyed weeks ago and Bush has still not made an appearance. George Bush doesn't care about tiny blue people.
My mother would say, before I left the house, 'Remember Art, hugs are better than drugs.' And I believed my mother, I believed everything she said - until the first time I got high at a party. I leaned back, and I went, 'God, this is way better than when my Uncle Perry hugs me. What else has my mother been lying to me about?'
We spend the second half of our life making up for the first half.
Daniel Craig is having the best week ever and I don't even know who the fuck he is.
I kid the Republicans, with love. I feel bad for them. They got nobody for next time. Who are they gonna run? Sara Palin, reading off her hand. Did you see that? You saw this? She wrote "tax cuts" on her hand. A Republican so stupid she has to be reminded of the one thing– Tax cuts! This is like if you saw the coyote's paw and it said "Road Runner".
Diabetes is a sugar imbalance. You are an estrogen molotov cocktail.