Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 679
He's a guy who's in charge of determining our energy policy, and he's doing it with $31 million of oil company money in his pocket. Is anybody fucking home?
One of President Obama's winning points last night was about how sanctions against Iran are crippling their economy... and believe me if anyone knows how to cripple an economy it's President Obama!
At the time I had a basic setup, basic cable if you will.He had the holy shit premier package.
When you're 18, you meet somebody, and 15 seconds later, you're like, 'I love you... I love you! Is that your roommate? She's hot.'
George Lopez does so much mugging, I’m surprised he’s not up on charges.
If we were interested in making money, we wouldn't have become teachers.
Every time I see Peter Falk in the movie I think that would be great. We'd be fun together.
How about we get rid of separate bathrooms for boys and girls? Gays and straights share the bathroom with zero issues. We need to put an end to the sexist pooping policies of yesterday. The only way to achieve gender equality is to start crapping in front of each other.
The digital camera is a great invention because it allows us to reminisce. Instantly.
No parents. You have Uncle Jesse, forever in overalls. Then there's Bo and Duke. What do they do? I never saw them working for food or gas money. You can only kill so many possum.
A dry vagina is an impotent vagina… you’re not a complete woman and you should be ashamed of yourself!