Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 841

I'm putting on a suit and tie when I go see "The Great Gatsby".

A girl who is willing to give every ounce of herself to someone, who could never betray her lover, who never suspects maliciousness of anyone, and whose sexuality sleeps in her, waiting to be stirred.

I'm paid to make an idiot out of myself. Why do you do it for free?

I stopped and I thought, ‘What would Jesus do?”<br /> So I didn’t exist.

Actually, my cd was released in 1985, in return for two German missionaries and a Dutch urologist.

You might be a redneck if the taillight covers of your car are made of tape.

That word sassy - it haunts me. I keep getting the sassy thing.

I believe that if you want to wear a thong, you should have to go through an application process.

Life's temporary for a reason; it gets boring after a while.

St. Patrick's Day is what Christmas would be like if Jesus had been killed by a car bomb.

Young people are gross with their faces and their hope.

The clothes make the man. The children working in sweatshops make the clothes. Therefore, the children working in sweatshops make the man.

Was watching CNN one night, the first Gulf War, they are sitting around in the Baghdad hotel, the No Roof Inn or something, and they're watching "the Bachelor," and it's a little harder for the bachelor over there because it's tough to tell who's hot under the Burqua. They had just ordered some hummuus and smores from room service and all of a sudden a gallaga game broke out.

My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was sixty. She's ninety-seven now, and we don't know where the hell she is.

This morning when I put on my underwear I could hear the fruit-of-the-loom guys laughing at me.