Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 842
I've never not finished a masturbatory session or a pizza. Those are the two things I've never left behind.
She’s a classy girl though, at least all her tattoos are spelt right.
The queen banishes Snow White because of her beauty. But the dwarves help Snow White because they're smitten by that very beauty. It teaches kids an important lesson: Nothing matters except for your looks.
All marionettes are trying to say with this movie, is that if you don't see it, the sock puppets have won.
To the point where gender is no longer an issue; if you fuck the elephant man, no one is going to call you fag.
When there's someone who's dead and then someone does something that that person would not have liked, they say that that person is spinning in their grave. But I don't understand why they say that. Why is spinning the way that a corpse shows disapproval?
I had a mad impulse to throw you down on the lunar surface and commit interstellar perversion.
Never pick a fight with an ugly person, they've got nothing to lose.
Because of acid, I now know that butter is way better than margarine.
She must have Egyptian blood. Every time I try to kiss her, she says "Tut, Tut!"
Laugh. Laugh as much as you can. Laugh until you cry. Cry until you laugh. Keep doing it even if people are passing you on the street saying, "I can't tell if that person is laughing or crying, but either way they seem crazy, let's walk faster." Emote. It's okay. It shows you are thinking and feeling.
It seemed like a funny thing to do! I thought we could maybe get on the ticket of the Libertarian Party. But people were either amused or horrified at the idea of me representing their party.
Don't confuse me with those who cling to hope. I enjoy describing how things are, I have no interest in how they "ought to be". And I certainly have no interest in fixing them. I sincerely believe that if you think there's a solution, you're part of the problem. My motto: Fuck Hope!