Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 861
When we played the back end of a horse we always knew that if we worked hard and did a good job we could become the front end.
I don't mind personal insults, but when you insult the jokes that I tell you're insulting Fred Allen, Bob Hope, Burns and Allen, Trevor McGee and Molly Picon.
No one grows up saying 'I hope I work in an office one day?' And that fascinated me. People from 16 to 65 are just thrown together and that is a tantalizing mix,
Remember that night you did that oriental cooch-cooch; the cops came and threw you in the can-can.
I have seen what a laugh can do. It can transform almost unbearable tears into something bearable, even hopeful.
I stopped and I thought, ‘What would Jesus do?”<br /> So I didn’t exist.
I always forced myself to do crazy things in public. In college I would push an overhead projector across campus with my pants just low enough to show my butt.
A man will go to war, fight and die for his country. But he won't get a bikini wax.
Fang said if they had used my figure for the hourglass, the day would be very short.
You know who they're blaming for global warming now? This is true. Fat people.
I think comics in New York are interested in being comics. And there're comics in L.A. who are touring comics, who are certainly more interested in stand-up, but a lot of L.A. stand-ups are really looking to do something else.
Girls who used to tell me I ain't cool enough now text me pics saying you can tear this up!