Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 860

Nigga, look at me, do I look like I follow diets well?

In the land of the blind, the one-eyed man will probably end up dating the best looking blind chick.

When you’re reaching for a star, there’s a long way to fall.

My brother then bought 1000 Japanese cameras. They all go, "Crick".

Mel Gibson is losing it. I don't know how people still supporting this dude's movies like it's all good. That dude is nuts. All you gotta do is shut him down and don't support any of his movies.

So I've learnt that the world is 4500 million years old. If you're very religious, then it's not 4500 million years old, it's 6000 years old. One of these is not correct.

Sorry about your continent, but it’s time to make money.

I have seen what a laugh can do. It can transform almost unbearable tears into something bearable, even hopeful.

The only thing chicken about Israel is their soup.

By the numbers, this was the worst way to have done it. He couldn't think straight. It was fight or flight - and he chose flight.

I'm a wiseass and a smartass, and I always have been.

I'm glad 'bad ass' doesn't mean 'bad' 'ass.'

I believe in love the verb, not the noun.

Nothing is happening but I'll ruin it.

That word sassy - it haunts me. I keep getting the sassy thing.