Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 907
In the event of a cabin failure, oxygen masks will drop from the ceiling, and untangling them will annoy you before you die.
I saw the movie, Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon and I was surprised because I didn't see any tigers or dragons. And then I realised why: they're crouching and hidden.
I hit two trees and fell down a ditch. And that was just walking from the lodge.
I never knew if I would get my own show, but I knew I loved stand-up.
When I first found out that I was going to win this award, I tried really hard - to care. And then I realized; we are all here tonight, because of a common love: me.
My father carries around the picture of the kid who came with his wallet.
Nudity has taken over all of show business. I went into a nightclub last week and a beautiful young girl came out onto the stage with nothing on and sang "On a clear day you can see forever."
I don't know what all the controversy is about, quite frankly. I've met Eminem, I met him backstage, and he's really gay.
People talk to old people like they're children. 'Oh you're very old aren't you?' Yeah, I'm old. I'm not stupid.
What's the name of the birth defect you have, trampled by a horse during the 2nd trimester?
I always wanted to play a big, black man, but that would cost too much make-up.
When two or more people agree on an issue, I form on the other side.