Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 952
I went to the doctor, and they found something in my bladder. And whenever they find something, it’s never anything good like, “We found something in your bladder AND IT’S SEASON TICKETS TO THE YANKEES!!”
Why even moon a sorority girl if they can't see the swingy egg bag part of it?
You do bits and you fake anger and you write a bit and you have passion for it. Then you do it too many times and you have to work up the anger... and I’ve never had to do that with Dr. Drew Pintsky. Dr. Drew is to medicine what David Blaine is to science.
Now I'm used to my daily, almost hourly, outrage at what's happening in this country.
You might be a redneck if you think Old Yeller is a movie about your brother's tooth.
An evangelical minister has had to resign after pictures surfaced showing him in a hot tub with two women. He claimed it was just a baptism gone terribly wrong.
Newsweek reported that 87 Congressman are currently having affairs. In fact, that is why they have roll call ever morning, to see who is back from the motel. Last call Kennedy! I know these guys like to poll their constituents but this is ridiculous.
I wouldn't want to be someone's roommate, that's for sure. You can't do certain things: you can't leave the bathroom door open... you can't put your feet on the couch, you can't hide stuff in the couch.
Why are we still embarrassed about the condom machine? The only blokes who are not embarrassed are the blokes who don't get any! You know, they wait in the bog, pound in hand, and as soon as someone comes in they're like "Come on! come on! I've got birds waiting!"
That's right. It turns out we've all been taking relationship advice from the fat middle-aged, bald guy who drives a Ferrari!