Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 984
You are human tennis elbow. You are a pizza burn on the roof of the world's mouth. You are the opposite of Batman.
Technically it's not premarital sex if you don’t plan on marrying them.
Women priests. Great, great. Now there's priests of both sexes I don't listen to.
Who was the greatest prostitute in history? Ms. Pacman, for 25 cents that bitch swallowed balls till she died.
Why is monotheistic faith better than polytheistic? I mean, either you believe – if you believe in, like, a magic person who can do magic things, why is it different – so different if it’s Superman or the Fantastic Four?
I had a three year relationship end. Ever have somebody just freak out on you in a relationship? Things are going great. After three years she wants to run out and find a guy that doesn’t hit her.
I've got a lot to say about television. There's a lot going on in television right now and I feel like a huge part of television.
You know you can't just run and shoot people in the knee-caps with double barreled shotgun 'cause you're pissed at them.
I think you are looking at sexuality and not attributes, and I think it's odd because the conservative mantra is a meritocracy. And I think what you're suggesting is the fact that being gay parents makes you not as good as others. And I would suggest that a loving, gay family with a financially secure background beats the hell out of Britney Spears and Kevin Federline any day of the week.
He was a multi-millionaire... Wanna know how he made all of his money? He designed the little diagrams that tell which way to put batteries in...
I was fat! I was pustule-rich! I looked like a pink human grenade! When did I blossom into the irresistible little orchid that I am now? I don't know. Getting taller helps. It spreads out a bit.