Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 984

US needs to fix up it's election system so that votes are fairly counted, and the Electoral College is removed.

My generation didn`t face the kind of urgent, pressing issues that my parents did, who fought through a war and a Depression and know what suffering is. That`s why Bob Dole had a tough time with this electorate. He was an old-fashioned curmudgeon who knew about sacrifice, and we didn`t know if we could live up to his standards. But we knew we could live up to Bill Clinton`s. He`s more like one of us.

I'm a compulsive everything.

Lots of people fake orgasms but I fake serenity.

Life is for the living.

Crazy? ... Maybe. But that's a good kind of crazy. It's a guy who knows what he wants.

I'm not aware of having a creepy laugh, but apparently I do.

Thank God we're living in a country where the sky's the limit, the stores are open late and you can shop in bed thanks to television.

Outgrew the media... The negativity felt like a disease.

If you get anything creative going, then the work and play thing is the same thing, I feel.

If I ever get the chance, I'd like to force a mailman to eat his own mail.

If studies on lab rats are any indication, human beings have a deep-seated fear of a big, scary cat being let into their cage.

A woman in Germany gave birth to a 13 1/2 pound baby. That baby was so fat his first word was "strudel."

I couldn't find the remote control to the remote control.

The term "Big Brother" is from George Orwell's book "1984" - where everyone’s watched over by a network of cameras called Big Brother. I’ve never understood why Orwell chose that phrase for somebody watching you all the time. Isn't that more like "Creepy Uncle"?