Quotes & Jokes about Dogs / page 5

My mom took me to a dog show and I won!

I have to have energy because I have a lot of expenses. A couple of cars, couple of dogs and a big estate.

It’s the only state in the country where you can stand on your front porch and actually watch your dog run away for three days.

Finding my dog's g spot is taking way longer than I would care to admit.

Guys are like dogs. They keep coming back. Ladies are like cats. Yell at a cat one time... they're gone.

Picasso, he should have been a taxidermist! “I’ve done your dog. It’s got nine eyes down the side, I made his head all square, 15 legs. What do you think of that?” “Fido looks a bit weird.”

I can kill a dog in six ways. Five of them are throwing missiles at it.

Only an adult with dying dreams can appreciate how awesome it is to have a dog.

My dogs love me. Of course, by "love" I mean "poop" and by "me" I mean "everywhere".

You might be a redneck if you bring your dog to work with you.

I saw a dog wearing a sweater and I thought that looked ridiculous 'cause dogs don't have arms. If you're going to put clothes on the dog, you should put two pairs of pants on it.

You might be a redneck if your dog passes gas and you claim it.

What do you say when your friends come to visit and the dog starts humping their leg. Well, if it’s a pit bull, you say, “You better let him finish.”

Hard to explain to a guard dog that you need it to protect you from yourself.

When I asked my mother where babies came from, she thought I said "rabies". She said you get them from being bitten by a dog. The next week, a woman on my block gave birth to triplets… I thought she’d been bitten by a Great Dane.