Quotes & Jokes about Dogs / page 5

My mom took me to a dog show and I won!

It’s the only state in the country where you can stand on your front porch and actually watch your dog run away for three days.

I have to have energy because I have a lot of expenses. A couple of cars, couple of dogs and a big estate.

Guys are like dogs. They keep coming back. Ladies are like cats. Yell at a cat one time... they're gone.

Finding my dog's g spot is taking way longer than I would care to admit.

I can kill a dog in six ways. Five of them are throwing missiles at it.

Picasso, he should have been a taxidermist! “I’ve done your dog. It’s got nine eyes down the side, I made his head all square, 15 legs. What do you think of that?” “Fido looks a bit weird.”

Only an adult with dying dreams can appreciate how awesome it is to have a dog.

You might be a redneck if you bring your dog to work with you.

What do you say when your friends come to visit and the dog starts humping their leg. Well, if it’s a pit bull, you say, “You better let him finish.”

You might be a redneck if your dog passes gas and you claim it.

My dogs love me. Of course, by "love" I mean "poop" and by "me" I mean "everywhere".

I saw a dog wearing a sweater and I thought that looked ridiculous 'cause dogs don't have arms. If you're going to put clothes on the dog, you should put two pairs of pants on it.

Hard to explain to a guard dog that you need it to protect you from yourself.

When I asked my mother where babies came from, she thought I said "rabies". She said you get them from being bitten by a dog. The next week, a woman on my block gave birth to triplets… I thought she’d been bitten by a Great Dane.