Quotes & Jokes about Kids / page 2

Your kids should not affect my life at all, but they do; I have to pay for HBO just to hear a comedian say "fuck" to protect your kids.

"It's the violence in the media that's the problem..." No, the problem is a lot of your kids are dicks and you won't do shit about it.

A message to parents who think legalizing weed will make their kids want to try it: they will anyway.

As a housewife, I feel that if the kids are still alive when my husband gets home from work, then hey, I've done my job.

My father never cheated on my mother. He used to cheat on me. He used to pick other kids after school. Take them to the zoo. Take them to play ball. One day he came to me. He says, "Look I got to level with you. I met another kid."

I would like to give these kids a good home. In fact, there's one a few miles away from here...

Kids will spend $500 on sneakers but won`t spend $200 on "Hooked-on-Phonics".

Never raise your hands to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected.

Kids are like buckets of disease that live in your house.

You know you're getting old when kids start to dress like you used to and movies are made about your teen life.

Americans are not gonna conserve. We're not gonna shift to smaller cars. We can't - we have big, fat kids.

So all my friends have kids now... which I think is rude.

I have five kids from three marriages. I come from a trailer park. My sister and brother are both gay. I have multiple personalities.

I'd thought I'd spend time with the kids so they don't turn out weird.

I can't play no slave. I got three kids, man. How my kids going to respect me if they see me playing a slave? "Little Damon, you get down off that chair before I spank your behind." "Yeah, you weren't so tough when mastuh was kicking your ass."