Quotes & Jokes about Religion / page 4
Jesus had a tough life. I read about that guy. Jesus is the only guy that ever came back from the dead that didn't scare the fuck out of everybody!
People will bitch about anything. It doesn’t matter. It doesn’t even have to necessarily be a serious topic like religion. It could be anything and people will have a problem. I’m telling you! It could be anything.
One great way to mess with devout Christians and atheists would be if Jesus came back and said, "By the way, you know I'm fake, right?"
I said I didn't respect religion... and anyone who believes in fairy tales to answer questions that we can't answer. So I don't respect our religions either. But I do believe it is a clash of civilizations, absolutely, between the Islamic world and the Western world. It has been going on for 1,000 years.
I don't normally talk about my religion publicly because I don't want people to associate me and my flaws with this beautiful thing. And I believe it is beautiful if you learn it the right way.
You know a religion has no sense of humor, when a guy can stand up and say, ‘you know, if you commit suicide for Allah, after you die you will be met in heaven by 70 virgins,' and nobody in the room just goes, 'Ahahaha! Son of a bitch! That was great!'
Religious tolerance. No! Zero tolerance for any type of religion.
Seventy-two virgins - does that make sense to anyone? And it's an ancient religion, maybe it was misinterpreted? Maybe it's not 72 virgins, maybe it's a 7-foot-2 Persian.
Now a Jew, in the dictionary, is one who is descended from the ancient tribes of Judea, or one who is regarded as descended from that tribe. That's what it says in the dictionary; but you and I know what a Jew is - One Who Killed Our Lord. And although there should be a statute of limitations for that crime, it seems that those who neither have the actions nor the gait of Christians, pagan or not, will bust us out, unrelenting dues, for another deuce.
Just for being a religion at all you're as complicit as the rest in the retardation of the human intellectual progress.
They shouldn't be able to teach religion until you're 18 years old and you know what? It'd be a whole different world because if they weren't pushing that shit into your head while it was still soft you'd never buy it.
At home we ate fish every Friday, as Catholics were then supposed to do. Being Jewish, I compromised. I wore a hat when I ate fish, out of respect for my own religion and the fish's family.
That's religion. You pray. You bow. You kneel. You fast. You trim the balls of a giant space penis.
It's so hard to believe in anything anymore. I mean, it's like, religion, you really can't take it seriously, because it seems so mythological, it seems so arbitrary... but, on the other hand, science is just pure empiricism, and by virtue of its method, it excludes metaphysics. I guess I wouldn't believe in anything anymore if it weren't for my lucky astrology mood watch.