Quotes & Jokes about Religion / page 4

You know a religion has no sense of humor, when a guy can stand up and say, ‘you know, if you commit suicide for Allah, after you die you will be met in heaven by 70 virgins,' and nobody in the room just goes, 'Ahahaha! Son of a bitch! That was great!'

One great way to mess with devout Christians and atheists would be if Jesus came back and said, "By the way, you know I'm fake, right?"

Does everybody have their WWJD bracelets on? 'Cause I was wearing my bracelet recently, and I was in the movie theater, and this guy's cell phone went off - don't you just hate that? Then he picked it up, 'Hey, how's it going? I'm in a movie.' And I'm like, 'Hey! Get off the phone!' And he's like, 'Mind your own business.' And I almost went crazy, but then I looked at my bracelet: what would Jesus do? So I lit him on fire and sent him to Hell.

They shouldn't be able to teach religion until you're 18 years old and you know what? It'd be a whole different world because if they weren't pushing that shit into your head while it was still soft you'd never buy it.

Seventy-two virgins - does that make sense to anyone? And it's an ancient religion, maybe it was misinterpreted? Maybe it's not 72 virgins, maybe it's a 7-foot-2 Persian.

The only good thing ever to come out of religion was the music.

I said I didn't respect religion... and anyone who believes in fairy tales to answer questions that we can't answer. So I don't respect our religions either. But I do believe it is a clash of civilizations, absolutely, between the Islamic world and the Western world. It has been going on for 1,000 years.

The religion in Scotland is one of the most patronising things... after the weather.

I don't normally talk about my religion publicly because I don't want people to associate me and my flaws with this beautiful thing. And I believe it is beautiful if you learn it the right way.

Just for being a religion at all you're as complicit as the rest in the retardation of the human intellectual progress.

At home we ate fish every Friday, as Catholics were then supposed to do. Being Jewish, I compromised. I wore a hat when I ate fish, out of respect for my own religion and the fish's family.

Religion to me is a bureaucracy between man and God that I don't need.

Keep thy religion to thyself.

Religious tolerance. No! Zero tolerance for any type of religion.

We are a nation that is unenlightened because of religion. I do believe that. I think religion stops people from thinking. I think it justified crazies.