Quotes & Jokes about Women / page 2
The human race has been set up. Someone, somewhere, is playing a practical joke on us. Apparently, women need to feel loved to have sex. Men need to have sex to feel loved. How do we ever get started?
You know, women are burdened with all this other crap all the time, like looking good. You need to be really superhuman to be successful as a woman.
Oprah tells women what to read, what to eat, what to think, what to do...
I do love women. I don’t think they get enough sexual attention. Guys aren't as in touch with that until they've been married a couple of times. After my second divorce, I said, “Hey, I bet if I learned how to fuck really good I won’t have to give away everything I own every five fucking years!
Women now have choices. They can be married, not married, have a job, not have a job, be married with children, unmarried with children. Men have the same choice we've always had: work, or prison.
Women complain about PMS, but I think of it as the only time of the month when I can be myself.
My girlfriend, you know, she’s crazy. She’s a woman, and women are crazy. She hates it when I say the c-word. It’s so stupid… We’ll be watching, like, Spongebob or something, and I’ll be like, ‘c-word’ and she’ll be like, ‘His name is Squidward you dump cunt, now get out of my house.’
Guys talk about masturbating a lot more than women do. Women do it, but guys talk about it all the time. There's nothing to it. Be with your friends, like, 'Hey, Walter, we're gonna shoot baskets. You want to come with us?' And your friend Walter's like, 'Nah, you know what? I'm tired, man. I'm gonna go home, crank one out and take a nap.'
I hate when women compare men to dogs. Men are not dogs. Dogs are loyal. I’ve never found any strange panties in my dog’s house.
Women are like cars: we all want a Ferrari, sometimes want a pickup truck, and end up with a station wagon.
Women want you to suffer. You know what I mean? They want you to go 4 to 8 grand in debt. They want you to do that, and go to work every fucking day, knowing that you're working for their fucking love and the use of their fucking vagina.
What I don't understand is how women can pour hot wax on their bodies, let it dry, then rip out every single hair by its root and still be scared of spiders.
Men read maps better than women because only men can understand the concept of an inch equaling a hundred miles.