Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 1035
Ahh, Earth Day, the only day of the year where being able to hacky-sack will get you laid.
Unshaven dudes in hoodies and ski caps look so hip and cool, until they too close to a grocery cart full of dented cans...
I've been doing a lot of drugs in the last few weeks and drinking less, and I feel much better.
You'll tell all your friends but I don't give a shit, I don't know your friends. And besides, how much pussy do you get on referral?
Go ahead, dumb people, be offended by a joke that doesn't have a plausible premise.
Hey baby, baby go home man its three o'clock in the morning what the fuck are you doing up. The baby said I'm sellin' weed nigger.
Tiger Woods apologized to the three women in America he never got around to sleeping with.
It's like, it's kind of like if you ever had a car and it was a bit of a clunker but you love it, that's my show. It's a bit of a clunker but I know where everything is and I like it.
Dick Cheney finally responded today to demands that he reveal the details of the Enron meetings. This is what he said. He met with unnamed people, from unspecified companies, for an indeterminate amount of time at an undisclosed location. Thank God he cleared that up. I'm ready to move on.
Experts say that Iraq may have nuclear weapons. That's bad news - they may have a nuclear bomb. Now the good news is that they have to drop it with a camel.