Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 1044
According to geologists, about 100 million years from now, Asia and the Americas will smash together to form one giant supercontinent. The good news: Maybe all those jobs that went over there will finally come back.
Democracy is like a tambourine: not everyone can be trusted with it.
I view my own body as a petting zoo. I am the main attraction... And the only customer.
Over in Amsterdam, they spoke pot. They mix it with hash and tobacco and they roll it together. And the reason why they do that: they have so many vices, they have to combine them. “Oh, I’ll smoke pot but I don’t want to have that cut into my cigarette smoking time. I’m doin’ a hooker in 10 minutes.”
If you treat your kid like a dick and you're a dick... you're gonna have a family of dicks.
Ever since I've switched to the clean syringes, I've never felt better in my entire life.
We need a return to the basics in this country when you stop to think that only one of the three “R’s” actually starts with the letter “r.”
Victoria Beckham should get a life, I am not a fan of outrageous consumption. I think it is vulgar. And no-one should flaunt that they have a hundred Hermes $12,000 bags. Not when people are starving. Everyone should be allowed to have a great time but she shows a distinct lack of class.
I think it would be frustrating to be a match maker. "What do you do?" "I'm a match maker" "Aw, that's really romantic" "No, umm... I actually... never mind"
A woman went to a plastic surgeon and asked him to make her like Bo Derek. He gave her a labotomy.
For Christmas one year I bought my son a BB gun. He bought me a t-shirt with a bulls eye on the back.