Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 1069
I'm going to go to Kennebunkport and see if they respond any quicker!
Being a famous print journalist is like being the best-dressed woman on radio.
Why do people do things that they fear? It may be that the fear contains information. Something can be interesting if you get to the other side of that fear.
In this country, a smart leader is suspect. That's just the way it is. Even George Bush's father, who was a lot smarter than the son, had to sort of prove that he wasn't that bright.
I went out with this girl the other night, she wore this real slinky number...She looked great going down the stairs.
I live in a flat with 3 women, I call it surround sound. I keep the ugly one behind the sofa as a woofer.
Being a parent is about your survival. Surviving the terrible two's is the most important thing.
You might be a redneck if you wish your outhouse was as nice as those at the state park.
I went out with a guy who once told me I didn't need to drink to make myself more fun to be around. I told him, I'm drinking so that you're more fun to be around.
An apology? Bah! Disgusting! Cowardly! Beneath the dignity of any gentleman, however wrong he might be.
When rappers call each other "son" it leads me to believe they don't take fatherhood very seriously.
A man walked into the doctor's, The doctor said 'I haven't seen you in a long time' The man replied, 'I know I've been ill'.
I drink too much. The last time I gave a urine sample it had an olive in it.
[If this is the answer, what is the question: Up To 18 Months] How long is a Scottish winter?