Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 1070
The nature of comedy is "just do it". But I think what's interesting about it is this joke has been around and why. And it's just saying what's wrong and how wrong can you be if you say it.
Many massacres have happened when people yell "surprise"! Pearl Harbor. The Tet Offensive. My uncle's 50th birthday party. I was there, man! How many more people gotta die?
Twas the night before Thanksgiving. All the food's in the oven. And I'm in the bedroom performin' self lovin'.
I may even show up behind the camera. I love to put things together; I love to give direction. I have a great eye for pace.
It's hard dealing with day to day disappointments and feeling like you can't find success. Especially when your best friend is Pixar.
I have the worst memory ever so no matter who comes up to me - they're just, like, 'I can't believe you don't remember me!' I'm like, 'Oh Dad I'm sorry!'
Shouldn't the trophy for the Grammys be a sweet, old lady giving you a pie?
Trannies dress up like women, then try to bang straight guys. They're the adrenaline junkies of gayness.
Thank you, sir. Thank you very much. I assumed you were a guy, you might have female parts. I don't know per-say. And I don't mean to call it a per-say, but it might be... with sack.
Why do croutons come in airtight packages? It's just stale bread to begin with.
Friday's turmoil in global markets looks set to continue to exert a dominant force on the foreign exchange markets. The usual trend when U.S. stocks fall is that the U.S. dollar suffers.
I'm willing to write a check for $10,000 if someone can bring to me what I fell is ruining thousands of lives, destroying lives everyday. And I know that you know it's a little thing called Chupacabra.
Specifically in stand-up, I love jokes. I love short, structured ideas and a punchline.