Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 1105
You might be a redneck if your biggest ambition in life is to "git that big ole coon. The one what hangs 'round over yonder, back'ah Bubba's barn..."
How long is it polite to continue to be interested in what someone says after they reveal they've got a boyfriend?
When I stopped drinking, it was only because I thought if I don't stop, I'm going to die.
This week, penny collector Gene Sukie went to the bank and cashed in 10,000 pounds of pennies he had collected over 34 years, which were worth over 14,000 dollars. And, of course, I was in line behind him.
My wife and I went back to the hotel where we spent our wedding night. Only this time, I stayed in the bathroom and cried.
The first time I tried organic wheat bread, I thought I was chewing on roofing material.
We had our own Olympics and forget the color war. We had the colon wars, which was sort of sad. The rabbi was the head of the sports department, and he said, 'Let the injuries begin!'
A group of Cuban Americans denounced the Castro government as a fascist regime that monitors and scrutinized its citizens' everyday existence. And then they excused themselves to go watch "Big Brother".
There's nothing wrong with being shallow as long as you're insightful about it.
You might be a redneck if there are more than ten lawsuits currently pending against your dog.
Next time I spank a girl during sex, I'll say, "this is going to hurt me more than it will you".
I see those picketers, and I think you know, if I weren't a loving, non-violent, spiritual person, I would really go over there and grab those signs and smash them over their heads and shove them up their asses. But... I'm a loving, spiritual person.
We are comfortable, collectively, that those 12 [shootings] are related.