Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 1173
You might be a redneck if your favorite T-shirt is offensive in thirteen states.
You live with life's disappointments and learn from them. At seventy-eight, I know it all.
Bob Dole revealed he is one of the test subjects for Viagra. He said on Larry King, 'I wish I had bought stock in it.' Only a Republican would think the best part of Viagra is the fact that you could make money off of it.
A lot of people voting for Pat Buchanan say they are doing so to send a message. Apparently that message is, "Hey, look at me, I'm an idiot."
I don't want to die before my parents die, especially my mother. Because I think that's tragic. Because I don't want her to get the chance to pick out what I'm going to wear for eternity.
There’s nowhere I won’t go. As long as it’s horribly, horribly true and or wrong.
Two million people could die tonight and traffic would still suck in the morning. Stop spitting out the children.
I have ditched every resentment in my life except that tricky one against myself.
Dealing with joy sometimes is more difficult than overcoming adversity if you enjoy self-loathng as a hobby.
Our Times, a Brief History: As televisions became flatter, People became rounder.
Please don't let all the freak storms and climate change lead you to believe in freak storms and climate change.
I stayed in a really old hotel last night. They sent me a wake-up letter.
His motto is "Love thy neighbour". His neighbour is an 18 year old hooker.
High definition ruined a lot of things that I used to hold sacrosanct in pornography.