Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 1173
I was watching the Superbowl with my 92 year old grandfather. The team scored a touchdown. They showed the instant replay. He thought they scored another one. I was gonna tell him, but I figured the game he was watching was better.
You have to be really tenacious. You have to keep at it. There are many roads to get there. If you can get yourself into Harvard, that’s a good way to go, because every Harvard graduating class, the agencies come trolling around and they’ll look for you. So if you go to Harvard, you’ll get found there.
Two million people could die tonight and traffic would still suck in the morning. Stop spitting out the children.
Dealing with joy sometimes is more difficult than overcoming adversity if you enjoy self-loathng as a hobby.
But I'll tell you what I love doing more than anything: trying to pack myself in a small suitcase. I can hardly contain myself.
If you have a lip ring try hanging some tiny keys from it. This will make you look even more interesting.
Please don't let all the freak storms and climate change lead you to believe in freak storms and climate change.
I was sitting next to a young couple with a baby on the plane and I was making the baby laugh the entire flight. Do you know what babies love? Ethnic jokes.
His motto is "Love thy neighbour". His neighbour is an 18 year old hooker.
The only reason I think I would marry a foreigner would be to have kids with weird accents.
It's something that occurs to me many times in my movies. They can often be treated comically or dramatically, and I usually opt to treat them comically. But it occurred to me that you could get a story and you could fool around with it both ways.