Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 1192

I don't like to generalize, but if you see a guy with his shirt tucked into his shorts, he's probably killed three or four children.

The CMT folks, there was a genuine enthusiasm that I've never had in television before on the executive side.

Bless me, Father, for I have sinned. I did an original sin. I poked a badger with a spoon.

Without arts programmes there's only reality TV, and reality TV needs the arts to show it what reality is.

I get intimacy booster shots once a week at my doctor.

You might be a redneck if your wife has ever burned out an electric razor.

It looks like Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt are 'taking a break.' Their engagement is off, and Heidi is going back to Colorado. This is really sad for Heidi and for all the Hills fans and for the entire state of Colorado.

Every book is a children's book if the kid can read!

The tie's a multi purpose accessory, y'know, belt, school boy, Rambo.

You might be a redneck if you won't stop at a rest area if you have an empty beer can in the car.

I've always wanted children... not of my own, but for yard work and reaching into tight places to get things I've dropped.

Along with the 97 percent of women who can see, I have never been a fan of redheaded men.

I was sort of tricked into marrying. One night I was out with Fang and a girl said, “You better hand on to him.” I thought I had a prize. I didn’t know she meant that after one drink he falls down.

Being the executive producer of a film is not that difficult. It just means that you have some power. There's not a huge amount of skill involved, I don't know how much I'm giving away here. I feel like that guy on Fox, giving away the magicians' tricks. It's not rocket science, being an executive producer of a film.

All of Dad's relationships ended exactly the same: subpoena, beep of a moving van backing up the driveway, pile of his clothes burning on the front lawn.