Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 1192
The human spirit is indomitable, unless your talking specifically about the people I know.
And then we get here and five minutes after we arrive, the skies open up. It's completely nice and there was a rainbow above the thing we were shooting. So, I don't know, if God didn't want us to shoot, he sure fucked up today.
I’m very English really. I even ordered a book on the internet, ‘how to have absolutely nothing to do with your neighbors’. Unfortunately I was out when it was delivered.
You might be a redneck if the richest member of your family bought a house and you have to help take the wheels off of it.
You realize what level of misery you have to be experiencing to see my 10-speed tied to a pole and then just be like, 'Look at this rich bastard right here!'
And then before going back for my sophomore year, I decided to change my major to arts and sciences, and my dad cut a deal with me: He said if I'd quit school he'd pay my rent for the next three years, as if I were in school.
You get photographed together when there's 25 people with you and people assume that you're having sex, which is definitely not the case.
You might be a redneck if you have lost at least one tooth opening a beer bottle.
When I was born I brought no joy, my father said he wanted a boy!
When you're a father you censor yourself. You get just as angry with a child but you don't want to say, "What the filth and foul and I'll filth and foul, filth and foul and, yeah, ya filth and foul face, and I'll filth and foul, foul, filth!" You don't want to say that to a child so you censor yourself and you sound like an idiot: "What the... Get your... I'll put a... Get out of my face!"