Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 1234
My final point about alchohol, about drugs, about Pornography...What business is it of your's what I do, read, buy, see or take into my body as long as I don't harm another human being whilst on this planet? And for those of you having a little moral dilemna on how to answer this, I'll answer for you. NONE OF YOUR FUCKING BUSINESS Take that to the bank, cash it and take it on a vacation outta my fucking life. And stop bringing shotguns to UFO sightings, they might be here to pick me up and take me with 'em.
I've jammed enough things up my own ass just trying to come on any amphetamine based narcotic.
The best part of living in constant terror is you always have a place to live.
Ever notice how irons have a setting for permanent press? I don't get it...
Guns don’t kill people, people kill people. And monkeys do too… if they have a gun.
Nepal is the most fun place in the world. You’ve got monkeys roaming around, cremations and animal sacrifices. And there’s no vehicle that you’re not welcome to ride on top of. The country could have been invented by Beavis and Butt-head. Even the gods have nice breasts.
In my house on the ceilings I have paintings of the rooms above... so I never have to go upstairs.
Guys don't use the word "pretty" enough. Like, "hey Mike, did you get that shirt at the game? Looks really pretty on you".
It's weird the way "finger puppet" sounds okay as a noun... ladies.
I thought I was raptured up into the air today; turns out, it was just my gas oven exploding.
And an airplane of spittle dived into the sea, there were no salivas.