Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 1235
I'm not sure why I'm so often disgusting on stage. I don't always know where it comes from.
He rules the country with an iron fist - the same way he plays the piano.
I don't know how it didn't work out. How can a man who like other men and a woman who drinks not get along? The interesting thing is: there is no conceivable amount of money worth telling the world that you were beaten up by Liza Minnelli.
If you think a quaterhorse is that ride in front of Kmart... you might be a rednneck.
You might be a redneck if your father encourages you to quit school because Larry has an opening on the lube rack.
I like shitty strip clubs. They look like what they are. I know what to expect. Unlike Congress, at least we know everybody is for sale.
Stuffed deer heads on walls are bad enough, but it's worse when they are wearing dark glasses and have streamers in their antlers because then you know they were enjoying themselves at a party when they were shot.
Yeah, I'm not into sports. If someone told me I had athlete's foot, I'd say that's not my foot!
When I first read the dictionary, I thought it was a long poem about everything.