Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 1236
I read that MTV's Real World got 40,000 applications. That's amazing, such an even number. You would have thought it would be 40,008.
If you are sending someone some Styrofoam, what do you pack it in?
Beer commercials usually show big men, manly men doing manly things: “You just killed a small animal. It’s time for a light beer.” Why not have a realistic beer commercial? ... “It’s five o’clock in the morning. You just pissed on a dumpster. It’s Miller time.”
Yeah, I'm not into sports. If someone told me I had athlete's foot, I'd say that's not my foot!
I went into a restaurant. The menu said “breakfast any time.” So I ordered French toast during the Renaissance.
According to a new study, Hawaii is the happiest place in America to live. And I thought it was just a great place to pretend you were born in.
No one understands the way I feel about things I don't understand.
The best part of living in constant terror is you always have a place to live.
My wife says 90% of sex occurs between the ears. But I need a girl who can blow more just my mind.
And some people say Jesus wasn't Jewish. Of COURSE he was Jewish! 30 years old, single, lives with his parents, come on! He works in his father's business, his mom thought he was God's gift, he's Jewish! Give it up!
If you think a quaterhorse is that ride in front of Kmart... you might be a rednneck.