Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 1239
You might be a redneck if you need an estimate from your barber before you get a haircut.
My girlfriend always giggles during sex. No matter what she's reading.
I went into a restaurant. The menu said “breakfast any time.” So I ordered French toast during the Renaissance.
In my house on the ceilings I have paintings of the rooms above... so I never have to go upstairs.
I bought some HP sauce the other day. It's costing me 6p a month for the next 2 years.
I thought I was raptured up into the air today; turns out, it was just my gas oven exploding.
And an airplane of spittle dived into the sea, there were no salivas.
When I first read the dictionary, I thought it was a long poem about everything.
Just saw a woman with a t-shirt that said "southern and sassy, it's all good". Well madame, I beg to differ, it is in fact, not 'all good'.
You might be a redneck if your father encourages you to quit school because Larry has an opening on the lube rack.
My wife can’t cook either, forgetaboutit. At my house, we pray after we eat.
Most of the time I don't have much fun. The rest of the time I don't have any fun at all.