Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 134
Pain is usually represented by lightning attacking the guy. Glowing redness is also popular. Sometimes parts of the guy would just burst into flames.
MySpace is a great way to keep in touch with friends who you don't care enough about to actually have a conversation with, why bother calling to say "how are you," when you can just surf their page and post an mpeg of a guy farting on his cat.
Men don't care what's on TV. They only care what else is on TV.
The truth is supposed to hurt. That's how it lets you know you don't got it.
Somebody bought me a Snuggie as a joke gift. Haha, the joke's on you, I enjoy it. I toss and turn at night, finally a blanket that's like, 'I'm going to keep you warm.' It's like having a small child with polio keep you in a full nelson - the perfect pressure.
Why not? Life is short, life is dull, life is full of pain - and this is a chance for something special.
Google is ridiculous. Everyone uses Google, and that's why Google has such an attitude. Because it's so popular, it's conceited. I mean, it has a serious attitude. Have you tried misspelling something lately? See the tone that it takes? 'Um, did you mean...?'
That's what a pinata inspires. It's like, 'Hey kids, let's get your favorite cartoon character and let's lynch his ass. And then we're gonna all take turns beating the crap out of it until its guts come out. We can all scramble for its sugary entrails. Who's with me?!'
What is the point of a car alarm if it doesn't get people out of their beds to come help you? So if I ever have a car alarm - if I ever have a car - it's just going to be a big speaker on the back of my car. And when anybody tries to break in, it's just gonna go: "Attention! Free bags of weed! Come get your free bags of weed!"
I’m an Asian with a Southern accent. To a lot of people, that right there is funny.
One brother, five sisters… dude I’d have to wear a tampon just to fit in.
The moments of comedy are there. But the whole idea of a vacation is the stripping away of stuff and then, by the end of the vacation, at least in my life, you do have these moments as a group, as a family having a great time, so mellow again. It takes a while to do that but that's what this movie is about.