Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 156
Sophia Loren, whose new baby asked her, "Is all that for me?" Never got a dinner!
Actually it broke my heart to hear that we were going to have to part ways, ... It's a business and they had to do what they had to do.
I am a Catholic. Basically, the Catholic religion is "If it feels good - stop."
Without comedy as a defence mechanism I wouldn't be able to survive.
Space tourism is God's way of telling you you aren't spending enough on lap dances, baccarat and cocaine.
Someone did a study of the three most-often-heard phrases in New York City. One is "Hey, taxi." Two is, "What train do I take to get to Bloomingdale's?" And three is, "Don't worry. It's just a flesh wound."
Breakups hurt like a motherfucker, but they are not the end of the world. The pain is temporary, and if handled properly, they can even be life-changing.
I'm always looking for that place, you know, where there's no rednecks, that place where people get along, and I never find it. I went to Australia, right, and I thought Australia was gonna be a groovy, surfnoid, smoke-a-joint wombat, you know? 'G'day mate!' 'No worries!' And it's like Arkansas with a beach. It's a whole country with a 'No Fat Chicks' sticker on it.
Why doesn’t the fattest man in the world become a hockey goalie?
We all pay for life with death, so everything in between should be free.
There were many reasons we broke up. There was a religious difference: I'm a Catholic, and she's the devil.
It's important in life if you don't give a shit. It can help you a lot.