Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 188
It doesn't burn unless you take too long to blow it out. How true that is, for life in general.
Entertainment Weekly said that Parks and Rec is the smartest comedy on tv. Call me when it’s the funniest.
The second day of a diet is always easier than the first. By the second day you're off it.
What is wrong with me I just bought a bag of weed from an infant.
There were 84 original episodes. It was rated No. 1 and No. 2 on the Fox Children's Network. We figured it was time to make it available to people who have never watched it.
I don't hate America. I love America. I want it to be better. The only way we can get it to be better is to realistically criticize what's wrong with it.
Iowa's the worst. Iowa's just nothing, just flat as far as you can see. It's the only state in the country where you can stand on your front porch and actually watch your dog run away for three days.
Okay, first rule of this carpool. No breaking wind in my car. The only gas that Bernie Mac want to be smelling is unleaded.
I've got three women in my life: my mama, ex baby mama and my new baby mama.
I saw a door onetime that said “Exit Only.” So I entered it, and I went up to the guy working there and said, “I have some good news. You have severely underestimated this door here. By like 100%, man.”
My family is number one in my life. I'll blow off writing or just about anything to make sure I take my son to preschool or watch him at his swimming lesson.
Chili represents your three stages of matter: solid, liquid, and eventually gas.