Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 213
When I got to stand-up, having seen Lenny Bruce when I was 17 or 18, I didn’t laugh at all at what he did, but I could not get over the storytelling aspect. They were concepts that challenged you.
Sometimes you have to suffer a little bit in your youth to motivate yourself to succeed in later life. If Bill Gates had got laid in high school, do you think there'd be a Microsoft?
Latinos outnumber Black people now. I’m not too happy about it. Because it’s only a matter of time before we lose our month. Soon as they figure it out, they’re going to have Latino History Month. All we’re going to have is Cinco de Negro.
L.A. I love it. Everybody’s a superstar. A guy will tell you, "Yeah, I’m a producer." And he’s driving a cab.
Everybody I know is bizarrely beautifully fucked up in some way.
Watching news showing all the same sex marriages. How long before first same sex divorce?
The doctor says to the patient, "Take your clothes off and stick your tongue out the window". "What will that do" asks the patient. The doctor says "I'm mad at my neighbour!"
Their cousin got in a fight and they put him in jail. I had to go get him out. He came walking out going, 'Hey, man, I tried to call you on the cellphone.' I said, 'You don't have a cellphone.' He goes, 'I mean, the phone by the cell.'
People have romantic notions about television. In the highest realms they think it's some sort of art medium, and it's not. Others think it's an entertainment medium, it's not that either. It's an advertising medium. It's a method to deliver advertising like a cigarette is a method to deliver nicotine.
Allow me to expose my colon once again. The ramification inflicted on the incision placed within the Fallopian cavities serves to be holistic taken from the Latin word "jalapeno".
Because when the Creator of matter, tell you you matter, then you have a purpose and then you have self-esteem.
We have toasters in this country... and they lie to us! Because it has numbers from one to six and it lies to us!