Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 222
Is it rude to Twitter during sex? To go "omg, omg, wtf, zzz"? Is that rude?
I’d like to help other comedians and when I get a little older I’d like to open up a nice comedy club that is straight classy, with a straight restaurant and a chef. The whole thing, red carpet, and treating people nice, for people to come back and have a good time. That’s the kind of comedy club I want to open up.
There's a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down so they can't get away.
At least black people knew when they were slaves; you remain clueless.
Outside came in '60. The Edge in '61. All three made Gold, but the biggest seller was Inside.
How do you find what's going to make everybody have this strange reaction in their bodies, this response that's sort of chemical and physical all at once - this noise and emotion that changes how you sit? A laugh is a weird sound, and when you get a couple thousand people making it at once, it's really strange. But when I can feel proud of myself for causing it, it's great.
Taking a leak on a tree in the great wilderness of Alaska should not be a "who farted?" situation.
When I was seven, I broke my leg playing soccer. Just to feel something.
So it took me five years because in the interim I have been doing a lot of personal appearances and movies and some television series that went into the plumbing and I stopped writing for a while.
I don't have a girlfriend but sometimes I like to pretend I do. I just stand in my apartment screaming "No, that's not what I said!"
We were on welfare when we were kids. Thanks for reminding me of that.